butfortheirvirtue | [V's inbox]

[He looks at her (he still thinks "her", he doesn't know) and tries to size up the damage, figure out how badly she's hurt (because she makes a fuss, when it's small, so this must be big).

He sits on the edge of the bed.]

...it doesn't look bad.

[Light burns. It should be reassuring.]

But...we should still put something on it.

...I haven't looked.

[V will think he means the burns, he assumes.

(it's not as though it isn't the burns, it's just also--)

Slowly, IV turns a little to let V at his chest, still steadfastly staring away.]

Can you...?

[...oh.

He takes a deep breath, steadies himself.

(she seems guarded, even more than usual, more like Chris is himself)]

...if that would be better.

[V opens the kit and takes out a jar of something, some kind of salve for burns (which he's had in the top of the box since the fire).

He dips two fingers into the jar, inspects the burn again, and decides to start at her arm, reaching forward to smooth a translucent white balm over the flushed skin.]

[...okay. His arm. That's not so bad.

(he shivers under the touch, though, teeth sinking into his bottom lip to distract himself)

(from the pain from the memories ~~from wanting V~~)]

...thanks.

[His voice cracks, shakes and angles higher, and IV flinches.]

[He nods in reply, still focused on the burns, trying not to let his mind wander. Trying not to think about the fact that IV is sitting in front of him with no shirt and trusting him...

He swallows. Don't think about it. Just...just keep working.

He takes more salve from the jar and moves his hand to IV's chest. His hand is light, hesitant, he knows he should get this over with but he doesn't want it to hurt.]

[If he wasn't shivering before, he is now, a blotchy blush forming high on his cheeks at the feeling of V's hand on his chest.

He can feel his nipples hardening, and that's bad but it isn't necessarily sexual, is it? It's cold in here, and V is touching and-- and that one is okay, he hopes.

(he can feel himself going slick and wet between his legs and it's not right, but isn't it better because V won't see?)

(unless he notices the labored way that IV's breathing, the way he squirms and thinks of V touching him and hates himself for getting wetter, for giving into it when it's wrong; the wrong person, the wrong body)]

[He notices.

He notices it all, he can't help it. The squirming, the breathing, the shivering, and...

(it's probably because of the pain, from the burns. that's all it is, it couldn't be anything else, it's just his own wishful thinking that's making him see it as anything else)

He takes his hand away.]

...am I hurting you?

[He hopes he's not blushing. (He is.)]

[He whimpers when V's hand is gone, a soft, high noise that makes him cringe a little.

(he needs more than this, not less, needs V's fingers between his legs needs to fuck V needs to get a strap-on and make V suck him off even if it's not quite enough)

A dizzy little noise of arousal works its way free from IV's lips and he presses his thighs together, eyes sliding shut.]

No. V.

Please--

[The plea is soft and breathy (but that's good because it's easier to pitch his voice lower when he's quiet that way, to get to something closer to what he should be) and he knows he's asking for something he shouldn't ask for.

(he thinks the wetness might be visible, might be enough to show on the fabric of his shorts now, but he can't look because looking would mean looking past his chest, would mean looking past what shouldn't be there to stare at a spot that's missing what should be there)]

[IV is talking to him that way, and

IV is whimpering to him, and

IV is wet, he can see it...

His breath catches in his throat and for a moment he can't even speak.]

...do. Do you want me to...?

[He doesn't even know what he's asking about, but he wants to know this is real, wants to know it's not just something he's wishing and trying to make real.]

[He can't ask for anything. Not when it's his brother.

(not when V thinks IV is his sister)

He can't ask for anything and he knows he can't, but IV still finds himself leaning back against the pillows, legs spreading because he wants it, wants V. Wants V's fingers and his mouth and-- and just those, for now, because if either one of them is going to fuck the other he wants it to be him, wants to spread V open and fuck him hard.]

N-nothing...

[His breath hitches and IV squirms, swallowing hard.]

Nothing inside.

[...oh.

He tries to find some way he could be misinterpreting that and he fails.

("nothing inside", he wonders why)

He moves closer, hesitantly, leans in and

(does he dare, when he wasn't asked for this specifically, when IV hasn't said anything about it, when)

puts his lips to IV's.]

[The kiss is something he'd not dared hope for, because... because he'd thought, perhaps, if it were something sexual and nothing more, if it were just about the physical urges, that it would be easier to forget.

(that V would want to forget)

With that kiss, though, he sighs against V's lips, squirms and reaches up to knot a hand in his hair.

If V wants more of a connection, can he-- can he push it further...?]

Nii-san...

[It...it would be worse, if it were just sex. If he tried not to think about it.

(he doesn't know the details, doesn't know why exactly, but he knows that IV hates the persona, the "fanservice"

he doesn't want to be just that, a fan who got a lucky break)

He hears nii-san and he's torn, because he wants it to push him away but instead it just reminds him who he's kissing, makes him aware so that he leans in and presses his lips to IV's once, twice, three times, little light kisses. Comfort, maybe. For both of them.]

[IV sighs against V's lips again, soft and contented as he pulls V in closer above him. He wants this, wants the light little kisses and the feel of his nii-san leaning into him like that.

(though, there's...)

Pulling back a little, he gestures to an oversized t-shirt dumped carelessly on the floor, the one he sleeps in.]

Ne, can you grab that?

It-- to make sure you don't make the burns worse or anything.

[And that-- that will make V less likely to go for his chest, too, won't it?]

A-ah. Of course.

[He leans down and grabs the shirt off the floor, and

slips it over IV's head, without thinking.

...well, it's on, at least.]

[...he's not sure how to feel about that.

(it means he didn't have to deal with it - with the burns, with his chest itself - himself, though, and that's... he can live with that)

Squirming a little, he bites his lip and spreads his legs out.]

A-ah, nii-san...

[Right.

Right, he was going to...

(Deep breathing, again. Don't think, don't get hard so soon because then it'd start being too much about you)

He settles beside IV, leans in close and trails his hand down to stroke, softly, through the wet fabric of the shorts for now.]

[IV jerks up immediately, sucks in a sharp breath and rocks his hips up for more pressure.

(he's never let anyone else touch, never let them because it's wrong but he wants V too much, wants V's hands and mouth and he can ignore the wrongness if it gets him that)

Reaching up, he knots his hand in V's hair and tugs, demanding.]

More.

[His voice pitches higher than he'd wanted and IV cringes just a little, but it doesn't stop him from rocking against V's hand harder with a soft groan.]

[More.

If IV wants more, then...

(he's definitely getting hard now and he's ashamed)

He presses in harder, then, rubs IV's clit through the shorts -- he's still not touching anything under the fabric directly, but with the way it's clinging to IV's skin it's not much of a barrier. (Much.)

As he does he moves with the pull on his hair, leans to press kisses to the side of IV's neck.]

[IV's voice goes higher and breathier with every moan and gasp, with every noise that works its way free of his lips thanks to V's attentions.

(he hates it, hates the sound because it's wrong and getting more wrong but-- but he wants more)

(he'll try to hold back the noise, he tells himself, as if the near-sobbing whimpers are any improvement when it really comes down to it)

The kisses are good. The kisses he wants more of, just like he wants more of the touching itself.

(and he wants something inside and he hates that but he feels empty - and besides, hasn't he put fingers inside when it's him alone? except this is different, this is V and V-- V thinks he's a girl, doesn't he)

A strangled, distressed noise works itself free from him and IV squirms, torn between the pleasure and the knowledge that V thinks it's his sister he's touching, the awareness of the way his voice is pitching, the feeling like he needs something inside of him and filling him up when there shouldn't even be something there to fill up.]

V, nii-san, I...

[...it's not hard to tell, at this point, that there's something wrong. That the noises IV is making aren't just from pleasure, they're from distress and maybe sadness? and...

He pulls away his hand.]

IV...

What's wrong?

[He doesn't ask "is there something" because he knows, he knows that IV is the type to try to hide it if he doesn't say "yes, I can tell".]

[IV makes a desperate noise when V's hand is gone, squirms and rocks his hips up because he needs it, needs more.

(even if it hurts, he needs more)]

Please. Please.

[His voice is high with need and IV coughs, forces it lower.]

Please. Just touch. I need to-- I don't want to think. Please, V.

[...He nods, slowly. If that's what IV needs...

(he'll ask about it, once...once they're done)

He lowers his hand again and, this time, slips it under the waistband of IV's shorts to run his fingers over uncovered skin. He's slow about it, a little halting, both because he feels he needs to be careful (nothing inside, not too much) and...well, the first and last time he's done anything like this before was with Kaito. He's not familiar with female anatomy.]

[It's definitely easier to not think while V is touching him directly. He's still aware, still hates the way his voice is too high, the way he can feel himself hot and slick and wet and empty, but it's better now.

It's easier to lose himself in the touches, and that's what he needs.

So he throws his head back against the pillow, eyes clamped shut as he moans and tries to remember to pitch it lower when he can.]

Nii-san, more, a-ah...!

[He tells himself not to think about his body, or his voice, or what everyone else thinks he is. What matters, in this moment, is that V is touching him.]

[V's inbox]

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typing she in these is making me feel like an awful person

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